CHILDREN HAVE YOU CAUGHT ANYTHING ?     editorial by the Maid

³Children have you caught anything?²   asks, our Lord to the Fisherman.

How would we respond to Our Lord today, if we were asked the question?


Better still , lets see how Uncle Screwtape and Nephew Wormwood would answerŠ

.(from  C.S. Lewis the Screwtape Letters)


Well, Lord Screwtape here,

You need to understand that most people are too busy with their agenda to be thinking about yours.


Letıs see now , we have the Three Priests who appeared at the

Joint Judiciary Committee  on April 28, 2003 to testify AGAINST  what

³marriage should mean, that is , the definition of traditional marriage between one man and one woman  You know Lord, we canıt dedicate our lives to strengthening the Family,  we must support the alternative life style,  after all we do have our Monday Night PFLAG  meetings over at St.Camillus  church in Fitchburg, Ma.   Fr. Richard Lewandowski  Pastor of St Camillus  is very much

in favor of the alternative life style  so please donıt tell him  what to do.  This is the reason he is against the marriage act;. It should be between two men and two women.  I think you had it all wrong in the bible Lord,  canıt trust those apostles of yours. , why my very best friend teaches at St Johnıs Seminary  and he says man and woman fight,  but  man and man donıt  just ask him , he will tell you, just as he teaches this message to the young seminariansŠ so, understand Lord, that  is why  Fr. Lewandowski  has come to testify.


, Fr. Thomas Carroll from the Jesuit Urban Center,;  States that  the Traditional Marriage Is all washed up. ³ Got to get with it Lord ,  Marriage is for squares.²


Rev. James Keenan, Weston School of Theology.  ³Hi Lord,  THANKS,  got a new job this fall.  Gonna be teaching at B.C. , Moral Theology , for the next two years,  ainıt it great Lord.  Iım  THE  expert on Moral Theology and I say Traditional Marriage is for squares, too !  Got a big job ahead of me teaching those little twisted minds, if we must be Christians,  than let us be Christians with a difference.    Those  young scholars are so pedantic.  Iım here also to testify against Marriage between a man and a woman .  Everyone knows  sexual love has no boundaries.  A marriage service I fear,  would be very offensive and actually should be neglected,  or better yet,  broaden to include all genders, (You know, we have about 6 genders now and to think Lord, when you started out, all you made was man and woman,  how boringŠ.So all in all, your questionŠ.how many have we caughtŠ..Iıd say quite a  multitude!²


 But wait    Be patient Lord,  letıs see what Call me Walter, or Walt, or Wally Cueinin is up to today,  maybe he has caught something for you

, ,

³Lord, Itıs me Walter,  and please donıt ever call me Father.  You will be happy to know that I am catching a whole lot of people for you.  We call them VOTFıers.  Gave a talk the other night at St. Eulalia in Winchester.  The Pastor allows all the guest speakers to talk right in the Church, in your presence Lord, so you can hear me real good when I talk against you.  I told them,  just in case, you didnıt hear me,  that they are the key to the way we worship.  Not you Lord !.  Told them also that they need to have a voice in the church because they have to have a voice in the worship, know what I  mean Lord ? When you change the way you worship with a community, you change the whole meaning of whatıs behind it.  I also told them Faith never changes‹understanding of it does!  Cool,  huh !  Think about it Lord, New Rituals produce a New Theology,  why as the catholic community goes,  this will impact on them  slowly  until the whole community is sucked in,  sorry,  I mean involed.  Hereıs something Uncle Screwtape taught me.  Told the 300 people the other night that WE need to select our own Bishop.  Here comes the whopper,  even communist countries have their  own choice,  therefore,  we decided to provide three names to the Vatican.  Imagine the laity coming up with the idea of episcopacy.  Cardinals may be bit nervous about a new mass,  new terms,  especially as presider, his role not being celebrantŠ.everyone is celebrant.  Wormwood thinks we all should vote on the Pope too, not just the Cardinals.  Need to reshape the worship of the church.  He had another good idea of having everyone at the round table, not just as spectators, but as responsible people  with their own voice  gosh,  we got you a multitude of them too.  Well,  progress is very deep.  The real crisis in  the church itself,  paved way for new understanding,  it ainıt just crisis of abuse anymore.  Good move , huh Lord ?  Screwtape also showed me how to begin the Priest Forum.  We need to have Bishops with a

 VISION.  There is no one Bishop left that can pull us together since Bernadin died,  so Screwtape showed me how we should train priests with lay people. No disconnect.  Need interaction.  Trouble is,   I can only muster up about 258 Priests to join the forum.  Some of the brothers are just too stubborn to join,  so we want to invite a greater expansion of married men to join in the pool of  ordination.  With the help of Screwtape and Wormwood we keep creating new ways to bring them into the fold.  I know it wonıt happen right away, but listen, we could continue to invite the divorced, gays, homosexuals, bisexuals, lesbians, transvestites,  you know , all the people who have a commitment to church experience that is different.  Hey, what the hell, no one comes to church anymore because they are afraid of Hell.  Told them itıs a different world out there today, and besides Hell is only paved with aberrations of mere logic.  Everyone down their knows it all. (Kind of like a VOTFıer).

     Hereıs a little secret that wormwood shared with me,  the legions, and some of the bishops who are petitioning Rome,  canıt seem to do anything with this Pope.  Hear tell , they will have to wait until the next Pope to get some action going.  You know, he just wonıt experiment.  Especially with the woman ministry thing.  Some of the minions are forcing the catholic church in the U.S. to  develop a women ministry. We are working on a new approach.  As Pastor of

Our Lady Help of Christians I have some of the babes now practically  doing all

The funerals.  I could even skip off the altar and let the babes take over.  Pastoral Associates play a major role in the babes for priests.  Here is my new

Battle Cry Lord,  ³Never say Never,²  we will work at developing leadership of



:Screwtape here again;

    Have you ever heard another priest so adept at lowering standards of obedience , total disregard for the hierarchy, and  to the religious and moral life of man.  Done taught this mortal well.  I can now kick his stern straight away into the pit.

I also know what the great secret is LordŠThere can only be Eucharist if there is a priest


If there are no priests then there will be no Eucharist.  So I tell them all that there is no truth,

Only ideas, and  definitely  no sacrifice,  guess what,   they buy it.   We could have totally ruined your church today,  if it werenıt for those darn Saints of yours.  Please keep them away from us.  These Saints can see so clearly,  they realize that the sin of the modern age is the sense of a loss of sin.  You know hearing from one of them is like a thorn in my side.

Might as well tell you Lord,  we got another priest for you , collecting the multitudes.  Heıs over at the Arch Street Shrine.  His name is Convertino.  Heıs doing a good job bringing in all the homosexuals,  and I donıt mean the chaste ones.  Heıs giving them what they want, brunch,  lunch,  a place to meet.  ,Hey, as long as he doesnıt tell them about confession, and a change of lifestyle, we are doing okay.  More and more are coming to the Shrine, and they are

chasing all those orthodox catholics  out.  Why,  the other day,  one of the priests at the Shrine stopped a fella from kneeling at communion,  way to go, Jack.


Do have one more thing to confess to you Lord, (Oh, how I hate the word confess) got a hold of a good Bishop the other day,  Thomas Daily,  persuaded

him that the New York VOTFıers were good Christians,  and not to let his own

intellect get in the way.  He agreed to lift the ban and let them meet in the church. I convinced him that it was the prudent and righteous thing to do.  Told him we need progressiveness and not reactionary feelings.  Instead of unchanging traditions,  told him we donıt want to become stagnant because the future is OUR promised land. 


Now donıt go putting that  chink in my armour, Lord.   Keep that Saint Michael away  from me!   Back,  Michael,  BackŠŠ..

WormwoodŠwhere are you when I need you ?



May 7, 2003


Bishop Richard Lennon

The Chancery

2121 Commonwealth Ave.

Boston,MA 02135-3193



Dear Bishop Lennon:


On April 28,2003, a fellow Board Member and myself, representing Morality in Media of Massachusetts,  attended the Hearing by the Judiciary Committee at the Boston State House on the Marriage Ammendment. This is an issue which we have supported through innumerable obstacles for the past five years and have persisted because we believe, strongly, that marriage should be defined as the union between one man and one woman to preserve the traditional family as advocated by God.


To our astonishment and to that of the proponents of this ammendment, three Catholic priests gave testimony in opposition to the ammendment, citing supportive facts from the Pilot, the Catechism and the Bishops' Conference. In our opinion, their statements were erroneous and scandalous, supplying more ammunition to an already hostile audience. This was evidenced by the Legislators' inquiries which followed. Also, the negative recommendation by the Judiciary, in our opinion, was a consequential result. 


We would be remiss as Catholics if  these priests names were not given to you for consideration. They are as follows:


Rev. Thomas Carroll--Jesuit Center, Boston

Rev. James Keenan--Weston School of Theology( confused the Legislators the most because of Title)

Rev. Richard Lewandowski--St. Camillus, Fitchburg


Than you for your time and attention.




Rita G. Covelle ,President

Morality in Media of Massachusetts


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